Forgiving my heart for attacking me.

Beth,
How can it be five days between day #10 and day #11.  To be honest, it was a little hard to do day #10.  I had to really be with my heart. It was tough. It was tough because I had to forgive my heart for "attacking" me.  Now, I don't call what happened in April a "heart attack" but everyone else does and so somewhere I guess I believe it. Any way, on one of my Day 10's I was envisioning my calm and regular heartbeat and had a flashback of a few months ago, laying in bed with a very irregular and not calm heartbeat. It was scary. 

 So, I guess I really did have to forgive my heart and my self for not heeding all of the warnings my stressful life was giving me. There was that little stab of chest pain that I got in November. There were the many nights getting home from work after 9:00 after working another 12 hour day. There were far too many days of missed meals or store bought meals (I tried to buy them at the health food store.)  Beth even with my regular meditation and 3 day a week yoga and regular walks my LIFESTYLE was stressful. My mind was STRESSED. That is why there is Cheryl 2.0.  Time for a change.

  So, I got a new book on habits. It's called the "Power of Habit: why we do what we do in ife and business" by Charles Duhig.  The book has a good basis in neuroscience but also very practical. I don't need help in starting new habits, I'm pretty good at that. I really need help in ENDING bad habits- like saying "yes" to almost all requests. (My friend Marsha says that "No" should be my default answer from now on.)  Also, I want to end the habit of wanting every little thing to be perfect, the important and not so important. I spent 2 hours organizing the junk drawer in my kitchen and at work I'm just as anal some times. I guess the habit I most want to quit is putting myself last in the ways that matter, like doing things that make me happy. I feel guilty about self-care and I feel I'm wasting time...wasting time! If I were queen of the world, I would make Self-abuse a crime just  like child abuse! And while I'm decreeing- being driven would NOT be a virtue.  Finally, I ashamed to admit this Beth,  I was always putting William on the back burner or wanting to do things with him that were for his self-improvement!!! Yes, I know. It was bad.  I could go on but it just makes me too sad

 So far the book is pretty good. I'll share some juicy tidbits as I come across them.