My Oratio on Beatitude #5

Today I prayed about what to pray. 

I started out the day thinking about my verse and the connection it draws between answered prayer and extending mercy and grace. While living with this Beatitude, I have been much more conscious of all the little irritations that I feel during a normal day. Lots of people get on my nerves so there are lots of opportunities to extend mercy and grace. What am I praying for that is worth all of this extending?

 I really had to have a heart to heart with myself about this because honestly, I don’t know if I WANT to extend grace, mercy and compassion to Sarah Palin. I am not quite sure that what I am praying about is worth my having to do this much work.

What kind of work? Well, take for instance tonight at dinner. It is my turn to drive my 8-year-old friend, Chay home after his Tai Kwan Do lesson. I was hungry and tired and wanted a nice salad. Chay wanted pizza. We agreed to go to a place that served both. 

Ahead of me in the salad line was a rather large man.  Since his plate was full of salad, I noticed my thought -“It is good that guy likes salad, maybe he’s eating raw food?” However, as I watched he covered the entire plate of green with the orange goopy thousand island dressing. He was slow and meticulous making sure that every shred of lettuce and tomato was covered completely. I had never seen anything so disgusting in a salad line before. Suddenly, I noticed that the dipper spoon had stopped in mid-air. I look up and the guy is glaring at me. He had caught my look of abject disgust. I quickly changed the look on my face and re-started my own salad. Got a few shakes of olive oil and vinegar and walked to my seat. I was embarrassed and angry (at who?, why?) and the thought of extending love and compassion at that moment made me lose my appetite.

Chay arrived back at our seat from the pizza line with four pieces of cheese pizza, a puddle of ranch dressing and some carrot sticks. In between big bites he proceeds to explain to me the intricacies of the cartoon show that is silently playing on the big screen tv. I am half listening because now I’ve gone from embarrassed and angry to guilty and remorseful. I should be more loving and compassionate.  But I’m not, especially when I’ve had a long day of extending grace and I have to stand behind a fat guy eating a plate of salad dressing with a lettuce garnish….

What do I want from God, really? Why am I doing all of this? What am I praying for regarding my health.  Why do I want to be thinner? Why do I want to be healthy? What is my body for? Why am I here?  What am I supposed to be doing with this body and with this life?  There must be something more to living than eating a plate of salad dressing or being thin.

It came to me that I want balance and I want purpose.

I want to have enough spiritual maturity that I won’t lose my composure because of a guy eating salad dressing. A balance of compassion, mercy and grace so that I'm still some earthly good. I also want to know in my deep heart of hearts that to be healthy IS THE POINT not just being thin. Many thin people are not healthy.  Being thin is not a purpose for my life but becoming healthy can be a mechanism to a deeper more purposeful life.  I want to know the end that this life is a means to. I want to know God’s purpose for my life.   

How do you pray for that?    

You just do.

 I pray to know how to pray for balance and for purpose.

Healthy are those that extend grace for they shall have their prayers answered.

Blessed are the merciful for they shall receive mercy.

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See how far you can get in this exercise.

1) In your notebook write the answer to the question.

“The reason I want to be thin is ____X________________________.”

2) Whatever you’ve written as the answer to number #1 make that the next inquiry.

“The reason I want X is  Y___________.

3) Continue until you run out of things to write.

“The reason I want Y is Z__________.

Think on what you’ve written.