I have a 30 minute commute and there are two routes I can take. One includes a good stint on Interstate 95. The other involves three roads, Hickory, River and Riverway. When I work late, I usually take the Interstate because it is well lit and I feel like I’m getting there faster because I drive faster. (I really don’t get home sooner- both routes take about the same amount of time.) However, tonight I decided to take the slower drive home. On day two of the seven-day fast, I'm feeling low on energy. I’ve been slowing down all day--walking slower, eating slower. Now its late and I'm thinking driving fast would take too much energy!
The first thing I noticed about the winding country road is how dark it is at night. I’m on Hickory for about 5 miles and I am the absolute only car on the entire road. I check my gas gauge just to reassure myself that I won’t run out of gas out here.
I have the window down while I’m on this dark, winding country road and I notice the sounds of the crickets. The moon is beautiful and is following me above the tree line. I can't go faster than 45 because of the curves. I feel the night air on my face. There's a scent in the air. I try to figure out what it is. I can't. It smells like the end of summer. I’m glad I took the slow road. I know that both roads would have gotten me home, but on the fast road, I probably wouldn’t have noticed the air, the tree line, the crickets or even the moon. I would be focused on driving fast and getting there.
Being on this Fast and thinking about Beatitude #4, reminds me that sometimes you need to move your spiritual life on to a slow road. Not that there is anything wrong with the Interstates- moving with lots of people going in the same direction as you. However, sometimes the slow winding road allows you to see things you might miss, like trees and crickets and moons…and while these things seem so ordinary, when you notice how good it feels to notice them, it’s like having your own special time with God.
Dark winding roads also have a bit of mystery. Even though I know where I’m going, all I can see is the end of where my headlights shine. No long line of lights before me to show me the way I should be going. I’m out here by myself, discovering the road by my self.
If there is more to discover about country roads, I’m sure there is more for me to discover about God, about my self, about my relationship to God and my relationship with myself. Perhaps this “hungering and thirsting” is ultimately deeper and deeper seeking and deeper and deeper finding, which translates to deeper and deeper understanding, like a road with no end.
Tonight on that dark winding country road, I forgot about fasting and being tired. I had a brief surreal moment of feeling good, actually happy, just because the moon was beautiful and the crickets were singing and air smelt so so good and there wasn’t any one else on the road or in the world, except me.
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