Self-control: An act of love

A recent church sermon was about "Growing up in God."  The question that came to me immediately was “How do I  measure my own growth?”  There are concepts from psychology that are used to quantify human behaviors and tendencies. For instance, there are surveys that can measure depression or anxiety based on the score. 

My question - If there was a spiritual assessment what would it measure and how would it be scored?  How do you know when you are moving forward, going backward or standing still?

I often say that my goal as a Christian is to be more loving and to love like Jesus told us to love-God, others and ourselves.  As a young Christian I really took that to heart and then saw how difficult it was. Just when you get one enemy covered another one pops up. Also, what happens when you are in the outs with a co-worker or friend or even a spouse (been there). Actually, in those days, I found it hard to like myself, let alone love myself.  I got discouraged until I started to study the list for the fruit of the Spirit and realized that there was a natural progression to love. I had been trying to do calculus before learning times tables.

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control”

It is easier to love when you are happy (joy). It is easier to have joy when your mind is calm (peace). It is easier to be at peace when you don’t want what you want when you want it (patience). And sometimes to keep peace you must treat others  as you would rather be treated than how they deserve to be treated (kindness and goodness). NOW THE HARD PART!  The practice of being kind and good requires renewing that commitment regularly, like every day or every moment (faithfulness). Granting grace to yourself is necessary- because you will screw-up  (gentleness). However, you must also have the determination to reach the goal of being your best and highest self and that determination starts with controlling your own thoughts (self-control).
 

Years ago, when my children were small, I had an area of my life that was out of control. My temper. I didn’t hit them but I screamed at them. I knew it was wrong and I felt bad about it.  I prayed about it, I fasted about it and still the urge would come up and I was powerless to stop it. Then I had an idea that led to my retraining.  I gave my children permission to remind me when I was raising my voice and to pinch me.   My son, who was the oldest started to get a little too gleeful about pinching me, so I resorted to paying them a quarter. This didn’t work because my entrepreneurial children saw the opportunity to exploit situations for their financial gain. However,before the exercise ended it dawned on me that I had made some progress. I realized that I  could discern a pause....Just a moment between the stimulus to scream and the act of screaming.  Once I realized that there was that instant in between,  I knew that I had a choice.  I could choose to control the behavior or give-in to the urge. Self-control.

It was much harder to apply self-control to eating and exercise and it would take me many years, to figure it out for myself, but along the way I have become more gentle with myself and with each success more committed to stay the course and staying the course has resulted in more peaceful circumstances in which I feel happy most of the time and in that space, I love myself more, making it easier to love others (even when they do stupid stuff) and this is how I plan to grow my love of God. 

It is easier to control behaviors when you are fasting...but consider how this type of self-denial can be applied during the rest of the year...to more than just food .... eventually to negative thoughts and self-destructive thinking.  Self-control can ultimately be a great act of self-love.
It's fasting week 2- love yourself and keep at it.

In Peace,
 Cheryl