The doctor made a mistake...

My brother's doctor made a mistake three days ago when he told him that the cause of his pain was an inflammation. The biopsy results came back, the diagnosis is cancer of the pancreas. The recommended treatment is surgery to slow disease progression and also pain management. My brother was told to put his affairs in order.

In my last post, I wrote about what is needed when there is a "Game Time"- a crisis in life that calls on all of your spiritual reserves. Death is like the Superbowl of Game Times.

I got the call the night before a planned dinner party. I had invited the Pastor and his wife over for dinner. It was a raw food dinner. I was in the midst of preparing the appetizers- raw granola cookies. I had a task list of when to start marinating the eggplant and processing the mushrooms to make "sausage" for the eggplant "pizza". My kitchen looked like a tornado had hit it with every horizontal surface covered with foods in different stages of preparation: the oatmeal being measured for the raw ginger cookies, the cashews and almonds soaking for the crust for the raw apple pie; the fresh rosemary and oregano remnants from my herb garden needing to be washed for the homemade herb vinaigrette salad dressing.  I stopped in the midst of what I was doing and made myself pancakes.

I needed comfort food. So, I made some space between the burners on the stove and made pancake batter.  I found white flower, left over from Thanksgiving, along with white sugar, cow (not soy) milk and actual butter. (All things I don't regularly eat but all regularly used by my husband who says he doesn't want to eat like a rabbit!) When the pancakes were ready, I sat down at the table and put my plate right on top of the Nwenna Kai's "Goddess of Raw Foods" cookbook. I covered the pancakes with maple syrup and ate until I was stuffed. Then I waited to feel better.

Nothing happened. The sky did not fall down because I had eaten white flour..but the warm inviting glow didn't appear either. Actually, I didn't feel any different...and that is the point. The comfort food didn't really comfort me.  I cleaned up my mess and went into my bedroom and there in the quiet, I sat, quieted my mind and prayed.

There are no shortcuts. Although a good meal is an enjoyable thing, (Pastor, to his surprise, LOVED the eggplant pizza!) food cannot heal a broken heart or minimize grief or undo past regrets. However, there in the quiet, I realized that underneath the sadness and the grief and all of the regrets I have regarding my relationship with my brother...underneath all of those feelings and emotions, there is a calm, I can't describe. I guess I needed to be reminded, that I cannot eat myself to that place.

Beginning January 9, I am consecrating 21 days for prayer and meditation. Eating raw food and drinking fresh juice will aid me in quieting my mind and seeking direction on how to best support my brother. I plan to begin the Sacred and Fit program and will use it as part of my devotionals.
It is the beginning of the semester, I have a new class to teach and I'll be traveling to Miami in the midst of all of this. I ask for your prayers for our family, especially my brother. His name is Damon.