One of the most difficult things I do every day is get out of bed. My
alarm goes off at 4:30 and it is so very tempting to stay warm and
cozy, turn off the alarm and drift back to sleep. Honestly, it is more
than tempting- lately that is what has been happening. Then yesterday, I
got a wake-up call, literally.
On my way to work I got a
call from my phone carrier about the phone bill. They were threatening
to turn the phone off. We have a family plan and I knew that I had paid
my portion, so I talked the woman into giving me one day to get the
bill paid and I commenced to calling daughters. I didn't notice the
escalation in my voice until the call with daughter #1 was almost over.
The bill was going to get paid but the cost of that conversation in
terms of relationship, in terms of peace of mind, is what bothered me
for the rest of the day.
A couple of weeks ago, I wrote
about the killing of Trayvon Martin and the large number of emails that
I had received from fellow psychologists. One of them was a Dr.
Marella, who advocated working form a peaceful state, as the starting
point of any reaction to Trayvon's murder. That post prompted an email
from a good friend D.M. who pointed out that Dr. Marell's request for a
time of atonement and confession is only a start. D.M. wrote about his
own son, who as a youngster would take things that did not belong to him
and how he and his wife would make the child return or pay for the
item. He also wrote about how even though Mr. Zmmerman may apologize to
Trayvon's parents, that apology shouldn't take the place of a jury
trial.
Yesterday's incident with the phone bill helped
me to see that D.M, and Dr. Marella are both right. I did what D.M.
would likely suggest--I got my daughter on the phone and had her commit
to taking care of her responsibilities. However, I didn't do what Dr.
Marella would suggest- starting from a place of peace. In fact, I was
embarrassed after talking to the customer service woman, upset at the
thought of loosing phone service and frustrated with my daughter who had
a day earlier told me that she knew the bill was due but had decided to
not pay it.
What has this got to do with getting out of
bed...everything. On the days that I consistently give myself over to
prayer and meditation before starting my day, I don't have to
consciously seek out a place of peace. It seems that the peace that I
get during that time lingers throughout the day. I don't have to
"remember" to be kind or compassionate. I don't have conjure up hope when things don't appear to be working out. I
don't have to force myself to believe that things will work out. The
discipline of obtaining grace for each day provides grace for each day.
Looking back on the last couple of weeks, I can now see the
effects of drifting back to sleep. I had a misunderstanding with a good
friend and noticed my hesitancy in making things right. A family member
experienced an emotional crisis. I noticed how easy it was to think the
worse. I went days without calling my husband. I found myself drawn-in to conversations where the main topics were complaints. So, the incident
with daughter was not surprising. Fortunately, it was enlightening.
This morning, I was up.
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