My Contemplatio of Beatitudes #7

Years ago when I was a graduate student, my daily commute took about an hour. It was a beautiful drive from the Shenandoah Valley to the University of Virginia east of the Blue Ridge Mountains. About five years into the seven year process, I was not doing well. Actually I was failing.  It wasn’t the course work. At that point I was done with course work. It was “Me” work. I didn’t have the slightest idea how to organize and discipline myself for the work of the Ph.D.  I wasn’t confident that I had the intelligence to continue in the program.  I was discouraged.

I wish it had been the coursework. Classes I knew how to do. Papers I knew how to write. During all of my previous years as a student someone had been there to tell me what to study and what to write about. The Ph.D. is the degree that indicates you have created new knowledge. You have to tell yourself what there is to do and first you have to create a plan for the knowledge creation. This is called the proposal. You are to document your understanding of the new knowledge in a document called the dissertation. You get to answer questions about the new knowledge during the oral defense. So you have to create the knowledge and then write about it and then speak about it. But first you must create it.

 There are many people who begin the Ph.D. process and fail to complete it because they haven’t put the time in learning themselves or to learn how best they create. Because creating is thought to be a “right” brain activity and regular schooling is generally a “left” brain activity, many of the skills used in the creative process haven't been practiced. In addition, no one tells you that you will need to access deeper areas of understanding within yourself or that the process is designed to test your self-confidence. Graduate school is not unlike the rest of life. Challenges can make you stronger and better if they don't defeat you. You are much less likely to be defeated once you have a Ph.D in yourself.

To get a Ph.D in yourself is almost as daunting as being in an academic program.  For one thing the subject matter is complex. There are no advisors, no counselors and no teachers who know the material better than you know yourself. You are both the student and the teacher. And that brings me to the point of this writing- the discovery of the teacher of  Me within me…a deeper and wiser part of myself.

During my final two years in graduate school, I retook the oral exam for my thesis and passed it, started over in a new lab, recruited undergraduate assistants, completed the studies, analyzed the data, wrote the dissertation and defended it.  The difference between those two years and the previous three years, when I’d been attempting to do those very same things was the granting of a Ph.D in Me to myself.

During the final two years, I turned off the radio during my daily commute. I spent two hours driving in silence, asking myself questions, listening for answers. The first question, (which took several months to answer) was “did I really believe that I was intelligent enough to finish the program”. Actually, it was the flip side, why did I believe that I was too dumb to finish the program. In answering that question, I provided myself with ample evidence that I was not stupid and what’s more, I discovered a deeper, calmer place within me that was completely undaunted by this process, was more than capable of doing what was required and extremely confident. I decided to act like her. It was pure “fake it until you make it.” It was also, watch-the-world-relate-to-you-as-if-you-were-not-faking. Resources came to me. People started helping me instead of avoiding me. A Ph.D in Me came with benefits.

The Beatitudes helped me to make this discovery through slow and thoughtful meditations as I drove up and over Mt. Jackson twice a day. So now, more than a decade later, I am using the Beatitude again to help me to act like a healthy person….a healthy person that is not overweight…..a healthy person that is not overweight and that truly truly loves herself. It’s like getting another Ph.D in Me.

Contemplatio of Beatitude #7-  Sacred and Fit is based on the Beatitudes which, in my view, provide a framework for change in ANY area of life. The process outlines a three step process of 1. Self inquiry and identification of the issue; 2. Deep introspection with Fasting and Prayer aimed at the solution 3. Emergence of a stronger faith and deeper insights that allow for changed beliefs and actions. The process concluding with the planting of peace is not static. The Aramaic translation of “Those who plant peace each season” suggest that the sowing and reaping of peace are cyclical and on-going processes. There are deeper and deeper realms of non-peace to discover within ourselves and more and more peace to be planted at the appropriate time.

As we close this week of focus on Beatitudes #6 and #7, what areas can you identify in your own life,  other than your weight, that could warrant changed beliefs and actions. Make a list and place it in your notebook. Choose from the right brain activities we have discussed over the last seven weeks and apply one or more of them to this new issue. In the coming weeks write about the process in your notebook.