I can't believe that I haven't posted on the Sacred and Fit blog for over two months.
The blog was just one of many important things that began to slip this semester as
a result of too many obligations. You know how it gets when you say
"Yes" to little requests but when there are many many little requests the
important things get sidelined...the urgent becomes a priority instead
of the important. Well, I've learned my lesson and I got back on track
this week while in Miami with my brother, Damon. As you know, it's been close to
two years since his cancer diagnosis.
I used to
think that I spent time with my brother for him. Every other time that
I've gone to spend a week or two with him, I've had an agenda. Usually,
our time together revolves around doctor visits, test results and
chemotherapy. I've researched questions to ask the doctors and taught
myself what the test results meant. I've learned how to get a little
exercise walking down long corridors and to eat healthy from a cafeteria
menu (that is hard!). I've written on this blog how hospital time seems
so much slower than time in my normal life. This time it was even
slower and there were no hospital visits at all. Chemo is now done at home by Nurse Johanna.
Sunday night a big box comes
from the pharmacy. The chemo drugs have to be refrigerated and the
pharmacy delivers them to the door along with everything else Johanna
will need on Monday morning. When Johanna comes she gets straight to
work. Damon lies down on the bed and next to him, Johanna lays out the
plastic tubing, syringes, drug vials and the portable chemo delivery
machine that Damon will wear for 24 hours. Johanna is chatty and
vivacious. She talks about her husband, her sons, her recent speeding
ticket, her favorite restaurant, all while clipping and straightening
and sticking. Before long, Damon has had his pre-chemo drugs, his chemo
drugs and is hooked up nicely to a machine that fits into a shoulder
bag, the size of a lunch box. The last drug to be injected is something
to make him sleep. Then Nurse Johanna is gone and it is quiet...very
quiet.
As he sleeps, I sit in the quiet little
apartment and for the first time in a long time I just sit. Remember
that saying "Sometimes I sits and think and some time I just sits"..well
to be able to "just sit" requires some effort. I am tempted to think of
the future and what the cancer is doing to my brother. He now weighs
around 140 lbs. I am tempted to think of work and the grant
applications- the big one that was just denied and the three others that
are not completely written and have deadlines coming soon. I want to
worry but instead I notice the thoughts. I watch and listen in for a
moment, like surfing channels and as I notice them they soon quiet, too.
I
don't know how long I just sat but I do know that it made a difference
for the rest of the week. Damon had some good days and so we went places
he wanted to go and every time I was tempted to think about the future
or things I should be doing, Every time I was tempted to worry, I would remember just sitting and when you just
sit, you are in the present moment. I went places with Damon, thankful
for the moments we were having together. I enjoyed his enjoyment. What
a gift, he gave to me.
There's so much I want to share
with you about what I am learning while being with Damon. I also want to fill
you in on my obesity research with green smoothies .
Next week a focus
group will convene at my university to focus on student health
interventions. One item- green smoothies in the residence halls. I was
invited to write a grant proposal to the Robert Woods Johnson Foundation
after they liked my preliminary idea to fight childhood obesity- green
smoothies at a summer camp. And youngest daughter Andrea will soon leave
for San Francisco to follow her dream to start her own business
franchise--green smoothies.
So much to share...next time.
