What a month it has been. I usually can't wait for May to come. It brings the end of the semester, the beginning of summer, Mother's Day and my birthday! However, May 2012 brought much more. This month, we learned that my brother had to resume chemotherapy. A young family member is having trouble adjusting to civilian life following time in Afghanistan. My mother was hospitalized with chest pain. And finally (I hope) a dear friend of the family was found dead in her apartment...murdered.
I have put over 6000 miles on my car in the last six weeks traveling between Richmond, Washington, Wilmington and now Akron, OH. I find myself feeling rushed and overwhelmed, at a time when I need most to be clear, calm and focused. When I began to feel out of control, I literally gave myself over to eating badly. I made excuses for not preparing my travel snackpack of fruit, nuts granola etc. and then was forced to purchase the tasty, non-nourishing, calorie-laden convenience food that are common at gas stations. I stopped drinking my water because I forgot my water bottle. Once I got into crisis mode exercise went out the window.
I noticed that when I am stressed, it is easier to stay up late, and then skip my morning routines which grounds me and sets a tone for the day. When I am worried, I talk more. I want to talk to people about what is worrying me and find myself repeating bad news over and over until it becomes bigger and bigger in my mind. Then, the more worry I feel, the more justified I feel to eat badly. I stop drinking water. I get too busy for yoga and walking. It then becomes harder to get up early. Not getting up early means no time for spiritual routine. Without spiritual routine, I worry more and when I worry I feel overwhelmed and begin to eat badly.....
Do you see where this is going? I finally did. So this morning I put the brakes on. I got up and decided to pray to change things around. What came to me was simple, powerful and profound.
The solution came in the form of the Blessing for the food, which has now become the Prayer While Eating. As it happens when I was feeling particularly desperate, the prayer time was particularly sweet and peaceful. I continued to feel calm as I prepared breakfast and when I sat down to say the Blessing, realized that what I was most thankful for was the omnipresence of God.--The ever-present Presence. --The no-where that it isn't, nature of God. I realized that God is as much present in May 2012 as He was in April 2012 or in any other month. Even with what looks like bad circumstances and troubles, God is present. I can trust that things are not out of control. I can have faith that there is an ultimate plan.
I thought on this as I ate breakfast and spontaneously I created a new practice for myself. I blessed EACH mouthful of food, as I was eating it.
I said silently as I chewed- "Knowing the omnipresent nature of God, I am thankful that God is the source of this food. I am thankful that God was present in the preparer of this food. I am thankful for God's presence in the food and I am thankful for God being here as the eater of the food. God is everywhere."
I immediately noticed two things. I ate slower and I ate less. I slowed down because it felt like the right thing to chew each mouthful completely while I was praying. This meant putting the fork down and resting my hands on my lap. I ate less because after what could have been my first helping, I was full. My head had a chance to register satiety messages from my stomach and since I felt full, I didn't need another helping. I also felt the calm of the morning's meditation as I went about the day.
So, I will try this during each meal today and when I drink my water and when I have my tea. If it makes me feel as good as I do now, I will I will certainly continue this for the rest of the month of May. And I know that the rest of the month will be better.
